Never really dared? Or tried, without quite knowing what to do with your hands? That’s normal. Really. Nobody taught us how to touch ourselves: not school, not films, rarely our friends. Good news: it can be learned, and on your own it’s actually the easiest. We suggest you masturbate by following a little five-step path, inspired by Jouissance Club, with diagrams to guide your fingers. Take what speaks to you. Your body will do the sorting.
Key takeaways
- There’s no “right” way to masturbate.
- It all starts with a setting where you feel at ease.
- Your clitoris is much bigger than you think.
- Four simple strokes to get started, and zero orgasm goal.
Why were we never taught how to masturbate?
For boys, masturbation is almost a rite of passage, a running joke between mates. For girls, it isn’t talked about, or only in whispers. The result: many women discover their pleasure late, by chance, or end up telling themselves they “can’t do it”.
That’s exactly the silence Jüne Plã wanted to break. An illustrator, she launched the Instagram account Jouissance Club, then published Jouissance Club. Une cartographie du plaisir (Marabout, 2020), an illustrated handbook of simple, joyful diagrams that sold more than 200,000 copies barely a year after its release. Her idea fits in one sentence, which she defended on the TEDxRennes stage in 2020: “Sex isn’t innate. It’s an art.”
And an art is something you practise. With someone, and on your own too (spoiler: on your own is the best place to start). This guide draws heavily on her approach: we explore, we don’t perform.
How to masturbate as a woman: the 5-step path
No recipe, just a path. Follow it in order the first time, then make it your own.
Step 1: create your cocoon
Before your hands, the setting. Pick a moment when nobody will knock on the door and nothing is waiting for you right after. Phone on airplane mode, or in another room altogether. Soft lighting, a throw, clean sheets, something you feel good in… or nothing at all.
And above all, no goal. You’re not there to “succeed” at anything, just to have a good time with yourself. That’s the whole philosophy of Jouissance Club: pleasure, not performance.
Step 2: get to know your vulva
A small mirror, a few minutes of curiosity. Look without judging: there’s no such thing as a “normal” vulva. Each one has its own shapes, its colours, its lips more or less long, and all of them are made for pleasure.
At the very top, where the inner lips meet, there’s the hood, and just beneath it, the glans of the clitoris. That little bit of flesh is only the tip of the iceberg: the clitoris is about ten centimetres long, and its roots reach inside, on either side of the vagina. It’s even what hides behind the famous G-spot, as we explain in our article on how to stimulate the G-spot. Remember one thing: when you caress your vulva, a good part of your clitoris benefits.
Step 3: wake up your whole body first
No need to go straight to the point. Start with your belly, your inner thighs, your breasts, the back of your neck: all those areas we forget and that love being looked after. Breathe slowly. Let an image, a memory, a fantasy come to you.
Imagination is a powerful accelerator. If you find it hard to get going, a little erotic audio in your ears can work wonders. When your vulva gets warm, a little swollen, and you start to get wet, that’s the signal: your body is ready. And if you don’t get very wet? Nothing abnormal, that’s what lube is for.
Step 4: try the Jouissance Club strokes
Here are four strokes inspired by Jüne Plã’s diagrams, from the most enveloping to the most precise. A drop of water-based lube (or saliva) will make everything slipperier and softer. Try them one by one, play with pressure and rhythm, and keep the ones that do something for you.
1. Wide circles.
Three fingers flat on the top of the vulva, over the hood. Draw wide, slow circles, barely pressing. The glans is caressed through its little hood, without direct contact: ideal to begin with.
2. Up and down.
Two fingers laid flat along the vulva, between the lips or on top of them. Slide slowly from the hood down to the entrance of the vagina, then back up. A wide movement that wakes up the whole area.
3. The small circle.
A single finger, often the middle finger, on the glans or just beside it. Tiny, regular circles. This is the most precise stroke: if it’s too intense, shift over a millimetre or go back over the hood.
4. Vibrating pressure.
Fingers flat on the vulva, you press a little and make small, quick vibrations, without sliding. A sensation that radiates, very different from caresses.
But be careful: there’s no “right” speed. Some like to brush lightly, others to press hard, and it changes from one day to the next. When a stroke feels good, don’t change a thing: it’s often regularity that makes pleasure build. Prefer not to use your hands? A pillow rolled up between your thighs, against which you move your hips, works very well too.
Step 5: let it come (or not)
If pleasure builds, keep doing what works, at the same rhythm. Breathe, let your hips move, make noise if it comes. Orgasm often arrives when you stop watching out for it.
And if it doesn’t come tonight? That’s not a “failure”. You’ve learned things about your body and taken a moment just for yourself. Many women need several tries before they recognise the wave building. You’ll come back to it when you feel like it, and each time it will be a little easier.
Key takeaways
A peaceful cocoon, a curious look at your vulva, your whole body before your clitoris, gentle strokes you adapt, and no obligation to get anywhere.
What next?
Once you know your favourite strokes, nothing stops you from varying them. A clitoral stimulator or a small vibrator can open up other sensations. The inside of the vagina can be discovered too, gently, the day you feel like it. And to go further, our tips to explore and enhance your pleasure take over.
The best part is that you won’t need anyone else to know what feels good to you. And that changes everything.
FAQ: your questions about female masturbation
Is it normal to feel nothing the first few times?
Yes, absolutely. Pleasure is learned, as Jüne Plã says. The first few times, you mostly discover your sensations: what tickles, what warms, what does nothing. With a little practice, your body becomes more receptive.
How long does it take to come when masturbating?
There’s no normal length of time. A few minutes for some, much longer for others, and not at all on some days. The time you take is part of the pleasure: no need to watch the clock.
Is masturbating often bad?
No. It’s not dirty, not selfish, and not just for single people. As long as it’s a pleasure and not a chore, there’s no such thing as “too much”. Just wash your hands beforehand, and your toys if you use any.
Do you need a sex toy to start?
No, your fingers are more than enough, and they’re what will teach you fastest what you like. The sex toy may come later, as a bonus.
